


needless to say, he did(n't) kiss monty that night

by celeries



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: #2 has Recreational Drug Use, #4 has Alcohol, 5+1 Things, Almost Kiss, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, the kiss is more of a makeout oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 22:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4197426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeries/pseuds/celeries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Jasper wanted to kiss Monty (but didn't) + 1 time he finally did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (didn't)

**Author's Note:**

> So June 19th was National Kissing Day and I started rush-writing this but then I decided to spend my days procrastinating instead and never finished and now here I am! Regardless, Happy Super-Belated National Kissing Day, from me to you (and I apologize in advanced for this mess, I tried to make the almost-kisses/kiss fit in naturally but, ah)! Mwah~ :*

1.

It was kind of stupid, really, that Jasper and Monty thought they could get away with it: they'd just messed with the master security system (pretty beautifully, according to Monty, because not only was it completely rerouted but the kill code could only be accessed with the eloquent password of "69buttz420") that was running all of the classroom doors thus rendering the doors completely useless and locked and, consequently, forcing the Council to cancel all classes until further notice.

When pressed for answers from the Guard, a few instructors casually mentioned the names "Jasper" and "Monty" because, if they thought any of their students could pull off a prank like that, it might be them.

(It _was_ them.)

"Monty, _Monty_ , over here, hurry!" Jasper whispered urgently as he grabbed Monty's arm and swung him around the corner, wedging Monty between himself and the wall in The World's (Seemingly) Smallest supply closet for some kind of electrical controls.

" _Shit_ , Jasper, we're gonna get caught, I'm pretty sure this closet is only supposed to fit one person and, if you haven't noticed, we're _two_ \--" Monty whispered back just as urgently, fidgeting uncomfortably as Jasper slid the door shut.

"Quit moving around and we'll be fine," Jasper half-mumbled as he tried to adjust their bodies to fit correctly: face-to-face, his arms on both sides of Monty, propping himself up by his elbows, leaning against the wall, pressed firmly against each other.

"Ugh," Monty groaned, "I can't believe they figured out we did this," and he shifted a little, warranting a pointed glare from Jasper.

"It's your fault, you're too smart. Who else could pull this off?" Jasper rolled his eyes but smiled fondly, relaxing his position to be a little more comfortable.

"True," Monty grinned shamelessly.

And when Monty laughed lightly under his breath, his cheeks dimpling, his eyes downcast (soft, sparkly?, cute?), his eyelashes fluttering, suddenly the air felt 52 degrees warmer and--in Jasper's mind--a solar flare went off, illuminating Monty, making him seem shinier (?) and brighter (??) and the hum of the electrical unit in the supply closet transformed into a loud, steady, heartbeat sound. Jasper's eyes widened instinctively and he felt a shock run through him, overcome with a surprising nervousness as he noticed just how close together they really were: close enough for Jasper to feel warmth radiating from Monty's body, close enough to feel Monty's body move with every breath he took, close enough to feel Monty's breath on his neck, close enough to know Monty smelled like mint and flowers-with-fancy-names, and, in that moment, Jasper wondered if forcing them into this tiny supply closet was the best idea.

Seemingly out-of-nowhere, Jasper's heart started beating wildly, weirdly, uncontrollably, echoing through his ears, and he cleared his throat, leaning awkwardly a bit to the side to (unsuccessfully) try and create some distance between them, causing his chest to bump against Monty's shoulder.

" _Jasper_ ," Monty shifted back, grabbing Jasper's shoulders to straighten him back directly in front of him, " _you're_ the one that said not to move, what are you doing?"

In an effort to regain his composure, Jasper turned his face towards Monty but averted his gaze, clumsily resulting in their noses bumping together. "Er, sorry, dude, I dunno--" Jasper panicked. (And he wasn't sure _why_ he was panicking or why he was feeling any of _this_ anyway because _what the hell_? He never remembered being claustrophobic before, so what was this, really?)

"Shh," Monty shushed him as they heard footsteps outside of the closet.

Jasper shut his eyes tightly for what seemed like an eternity and he felt himself taking shallow breaths before the sound of footsteps slowly died down.

Monty grabbed gently at the waist of Jasper's shirt. "Hey," he said, his voice piercing through the thick air, "what's wrong?"

' _It'll be fine_ ,' Jasper reassured himself, unsure _why_ he had to reassure himself, but when he finally opened his eyes Monty was right there (of course): extremely close, a worried look in his eyes, birthmarks scattered across his face, his lips parted slightly and _oh_ , did Monty's lips always look that soft? Were they always that nice shape, his top lip creating a deep "v"? And oh, _shit_ , he was staring, staring at his _best friend's lips_ , but he couldn't look away and maybe, just _maybe_ , he didn't want to because, to be honest, they looked really, _really_ great and maybe if he just leaned in a little bit more--

Jasper stopped and blinked profusely, trying to clear away this strange daze he was in, but when his eyes flicked back up to look Monty in the eyes, Monty was looking at _his_ lips.

Somewhere in the universe, probably on Earth or something, the biggest, hugest fire in the world started and Jasper had no idea how to distinguish it.

(He wasn't sure if he wanted to distinguish it, though.)

(It was a metaphorical fire, by the way.)

All of a sudden, the supply closet door swung open abruptly and Jasper and Monty jumped and screamed in shock.

 

* * *

 

2.

Smoke filled the room, the strong stench of whatever-plant-Monty-had-found stained their clothes, and Jasper and Monty lounged freely on the ground with bloodshot, glassy eyes.

After about 3 months of failed experimentation, Monty had finally started getting the hang of identifying the right types of plants (and how to effectively use them, thanks to his parents' pharmaceutical databases and Jasper's chemistry knowledge) that could be utilized to get really, _really_ , nicely high.

"Feels good, right," Monty breathed, his question coming out more like a statement as he sat on the floor, his feet under him, leaning back on his hands.

"Mm," Jasper replied lazily, laying on the ground, resting his head in Monty's lap, "you know what feels good?"

"What?"

Jasper tried to hold back his laughter. "Dogs."

Monty busted out laughing. "I don't even, like, know what a dog is," he managed between giggles.

"Same. What's a dog?" Jasper snorted (and Monty shook with laughter), "Hey, you know what else feels good?"

"Dogs?" Monty asked.

"No. You," Jasper replied as he drew circles with his finger on Monty's knee.

"You're dumb," Monty sighed contently, shifting slightly, sitting up so his one arm was bent behind Jasper's head and the other rested across his chest.

"For real," Jasper continued, slowly running his hand up the side of Monty's arm, letting the pads of his fingers memorize every inch of skin.

"Your hair's kinda soft," Monty said as he curled a lock of Jasper's hair with his finger.

"Hm," Jasper hummed in approval and he reached up to tug on the collar of Monty's shirt, causing Monty to hunch over, bringing their faces closer, "even your face looks soft," he ghosted his hand across Monty's cheek before stroking it gently then moving on to brush his thumb across Monty's lips, "like... like pillows," he said quietly, almost to himself. He felt Monty swallow so he decided to touch Monty's neck, feeling the erratic beating of his pulse. It felt kind of like a soft drumming and he liked it.

Before he knew it, he was pulling Monty closer and closer until he could feel Monty's hair brush against his forehead and he felt like he was surrounded by blankets, pillows, and clouds while laying on a pile of feathers; and if he had to describe how he was feeling at this moment (with Monty's arms around him, surrounded by Monty's body heat, Monty's hair falling lightly in his face, Monty's fingers gently playing with his hair) he'd say it was like if blankets, pillows, clouds, and feathers had a baby with Monty's face on it.

Jasper felt sleepy thinking about how warm and soft Monty was.

There was a whirring feeling that took over Jasper's mind and he tried to remember what else could be described as 'soft' but he couldn't remember and, vaguely, he wondered if mountains and water were soft and, if they were, were they anything as close to how soft Monty's lips were? Monty's lips were maybe in the shapes of mountains, or something, and they looked kind of shiny, like water, but Monty's lips were smaller than mountains and they were pink and water, if Jasper remembered correctly, was not pink. He liked Monty's lips, anyway.

"Monty," Jasper sighed tiredly and he decided he definitely wanted to kiss Monty (his lips + Monty's soft lips = ???) but he wasn't sure if he should ask so he craned his neck and tugged at Monty's shirt.

"What are you doing?" Monty asked, stifling a laugh.

"Lips," Jasper replied, mesmerized, and his eyelids felt heavy (like, super heavy, heavier than a pair of 91 pound shoes) as he started to feel Monty's breath against his lips.

The last thing Jasper saw before he fell asleep was Monty closing his eyes.

 

* * *

 

3.

Jasper woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air.

5 days had passed since he'd recovered from being speared and 4 nights had passed since Jasper had gotten a good night's sleep (that is, a night without nightmares, a night without jolting awake, feeling like the spear was still inside his chest, a night without thinking he was captured again). The only thing ok about getting speared, Jasper decided, was that during that time he was in too much pain to get any sleep so he didn't have to worry about nightmares.

"Jasper? Are you ok?" Monty asked.

For the past few nights, Monty would crawl over to Jasper's sleeping bag whenever he'd wake up from a nightmare, touch his arm gently, and make sure he was doing ok.

"Yeah," Jasper replied, his voice cracking with hoarseness, "yeah, sorry, I'm cool, I'm fine," he smiled (but it was probably fake, the same way his lie was obvious) "did I wake you up?"

Monty shook his head. "No. Move over," he instructed and Jasper complied, letting Monty shuffle in his sleeping bag next to him.

When Jasper started having nightmares, Monty made it a habit to sleep next to him whenever he woke up in the middle of the night. Jasper wasn't sure what made Monty start doing that, but whenever he fell asleep next to Monty he somehow felt safer and more comfortable and he was glad Monty was next to him. (He liked it.)

"Hey," Monty said quietly as he pulled Jasper closer, resting Jasper's head against his chest, "it'll be ok."

Jasper exhaled, relaxing a bit (and relaxing was always easier when he could feel Monty's heart beat against him, soft and warm, like always, and it reminded him of when they were on the Ark, playing and getting high and being together), and he knew things would never be 100% ok but sometimes he thought moments like these were the closest it could get.

Monty scratched Jasper's head lightly and Jasper felt like he was melting, suddenly feeling relieved, relaxed, content, _happy_.

"You're getting good at this," Jasper laughed, wrapping his arms tightly around Monty's waist.

" _Duh_ , I'm good at everything,"  Monty quipped as he hugged Jasper back.

Jasper looked up ready to playfully chastise Monty but instead was met with gentleness, affection, and a hint of worry from the expression on Monty's face and, as a result, Jasper felt his heart soar because Monty was amazing and wonderful and he couldn't have picked a better friend.

And, for a second, Jasper thought about how he loved Monty (like a friend?) and he thought about how he kind of wanted to feel Monty _more_ and he wondered what would happen if he pulled Monty closer and kissed him (like a... friend?) and maybe, if he had more confidence, he would've tried it.

"Yeah," Jasper replied quietly, "yeah, I know."

 

* * *

 

4.

" _Kiss, kiss, kiss_!" a small group of the 100 (maybe like 8, 10, or 675 of them) chanted as they sat around the fire.

It was the long awaited Unity Day celebration and they were currently playing a _riveting_ game of truth or dare which, apparently, was a popular Earth game and which, apparently, was actually only riveting because half the players were drunk.

Well, Jasper and Monty were drunk, anyway.

So when Harper dared Jasper to kiss Monty, he laughed. "What? But I wanna kiss _Octavia_ \--" Jasper slurred and he threw an arm around Harper, "where's she, an'way?"

"Hey, don't-- don't _trust_ him--" Monty started and he tied the strings of his hat tightly around his chin, "I can count, like, _69_ times Jasper want--" (he spilled his drink) " _wanted_ to kiss me, ok--!"

The group laughed and instantly started chanting, egging Jasper on to kiss Monty.

"Fine, _fine_ ," Jasper stood up and motioned to the group to calm down, "I'll do it," he stifled a clumsy laugh, "but don'tell Oct'via-- she'll get jealous, ok?"

"Totally, I definitely won't tell her so she won't get jealous, Jasper," Harper rolled her eyes and grinned cheekily.

Jasper stumbled towards Monty, cupping his face.

"W-wait, _wait_ , Jas, wait--" Monty exclaimed suddenly, smacking Jasper's hands away from him (and Jasper's eyes bulged a bit, startled), "wait, lis'en, I _need_ to tell you something," (Jasper nodded nervously) "I know... I know I'm a hot piece of ass. But you gotta be gentle."

Jasper nodded seriously (and someone from the group started yelling ' _hot piece of ass!_ ' with great vigor). "Ok. Ok, I got it. Y'know I'd never hurt you, Monty--"

Monty closed his eyes (in anticipation?) and Jasper cupped Monty's face in his hands again and leaned in slowly, clumsily, hesitantly, and he slipped, kissing Monty on the cheek instead. Jasper heard faint " _boo!_ 's" from behind him but when Monty opened his eyes, confused by the cheek-kiss, eyelashes fluttering heavily, damp with sweat, his cheeks flushed from alcohol, Jasper remembered all the other times he really _did_ want to kiss Monty. Monty was unexpectedly ( _expectedly_ ) beautiful, Jasper thought, a perfect mix of soft and angled features, enhanced by his soft-yet-strong personality.

"Monty," Jasper exhaled, " _Monty_."

"What?"

"You're so cool," Jasper cooed.

"I know, dumbass," Monty scoffed and he grabbed Jasper's hands and put them back onto his cheeks, "hurry 'n kiss me."

Jasper leaned towards Monty and closed his eyes slowly but not before looking down at Monty's lips: pinker than usual, swollen, and dry from the alcohol and Jasper swallowed, instantly distracted, instantly overcome with dizziness, and instantly (weirdly) feeling a (strange) sense of anticipation rise from within him.

This was it, he was going to (gently) kiss Monty with all his friends watching. He was going to kiss _Monty_. (Gently.)

He felt Monty breathing against his cheek and his body started becoming warmer, his heartbeat picking up, shortness of breath--

There was a sudden pain in Jasper's stomach and he stopped short and promptly turned around and threw up on the ground.

(Needless to say, he didn't kiss Monty that night.)

 

* * *

 

5.

Jasper tapped his foot nervously from inside the all-white room he'd woken up in. He wondered where he was, uneasily biting at his nails, picking at the sleeves of clothing he didn't agree to wear, rubbing his arm until it turned red. Was this a horror movie? This was a horror movie, he figured, and he'd probably one of the last to die because he was the tall, goofy one who needed to suffer first before dying a terrifying death.

The most unsettling part, though, maybe was the fact that he was _clean_ and felt disturbingly  _good_ but there was a sense of impending doom and lack of safety. Where were his friends? Where was Clarke? Where was..? (His thoughts trailed off.)

There was a churning feeling in his stomach, the type of churning that felt like someone took 23 gallons of hydrochloric acid and shoved it down his throat so he drank all of it, and it'd swirl in his stomach for days before settling there, hardening, weighing him down and making him sick.

He hadn't seen Monty for _days_ : since _before_  being locked in this room (how long had he been here?), _before_ blasting the rocket, and _before_  the bloody, violent fight with the Grounders, and all Jasper knew was that Monty disappeared in the woods _alone_ and _how the hell_ was he supposed to find Monty if he was _trapped_ in this horror movie room?

Jasper swore in frustration.

Was Monty even alive? Was _anyone_ alive?

"Don't worry," a man in a suit said to him a few hours later, "your friends are safe."

Jasper wanted to sigh in relief because he hoped, hoped, _hoped_ this wasn't a bad dream, hoped it wasn't a lie, hoped that everyone could live happily ever after on the Earth because they _deserved_ it and he wanted ( _needed_ ) everyone to be happy, but it seemed too good to be true.

 _Which_ friends were safe? (And Jasper felt guilty for even thinking something like that.)

When he was released into the dining area, he looked around skeptically.

" _Jasper_!" he heard a voice call out and instantly he knew who it was.

Monty ran to him, hugging him tight, and Jasper felt like suddenly he forgot about everything and everyone else because _Monty was safe_.

"Monty," Jasper whispered (reassuring himself that Monty was really there, _Monty was ok_ ) as he wrapped his arms around Monty tightly and protectively, willing all his stress to float away as he exhaled, breathing into Monty's shoulder against him.

"Are you ok?" Monty asked but Jasper couldn't find the voice to answer because he couldn't bring himself to think about anything except  _Monty_.

"Monty," Jasper said again and he pulled away gently, resting his forehead against Monty's, his hands finding a spot between Monty's neck and shoulders, "I didn't know if you... I thought you were--"

"I'm ok," Monty smiled and held Jasper's hand close to him, " _we're_ ok."

Something clicked in Jasper's head and he felt his whole body relax, his previously-erratic mind slowing down, and he breathed freely.

If Jasper had to choose any singular moment in his entire life that he wanted to kiss Monty it'd be this moment and, somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought maybe it was strange to think of moments he'd want to _kiss_ his _best friend_ but it didn't matter because _Monty was ok_ and they were here together, _safe_ , clean, with new clothes, given a chance to relax, and it took Jasper until this moment to realize none of that would have mattered if Monty wasn't there with him.

And if things could be ok, if they could be safe and happy, Jasper wished they could stay like this forever. (It could happen, right?)

Jasper pinched Monty's cheek and smiled affectionately and fondly and he felt like he was on Cloud 9, 10, or 11, or something like that.

Monty pinched Jasper's cheek back (and Jasper laughed). "Seriously, Jasper? Fix your shirt before you mess around," he teased and fixed the (apparently) messed-up collar of Jasper's shirt, folding it neatly.

"Right, thanks," Jasper said and he let his hand linger on Monty's cheek, touching it softly, outlining the areas Monty had birthmarks (and Monty's cheeks tinted pink a little and Jasper thought it looked cute).

"Hey," Monty said quietly and he moved his hand to Jasper's wrist and Jasper thought maybe Monty would pull his hand away but he didn't. 

Instead, he looked up at Jasper and his eyes were big and looked surprisingly expectant and Jasper swallowed, his heart suddenly racing inside his chest, and he wondered why Monty made him feel this way because, like, were these kinds of feelings normal? He felt overwhelmed with affection and maybe that was since Monty was his best friend and favorite person because this brand of affection felt strangely different than everything else he'd felt before (even unlike when he'd have crushes on people) or maybe he just had a tendency to desire _physical_ affection, especially _kissing_ (not that he had much experience, though, but he definitely liked it after Octavia had kissed him), or maybe it was because Monty was attractive (too shallow?).

Regardless, he wasn't sure what was going on or what was acceptable or what Monty even felt or liked or _anything_ , but he still found himself leaning in closer, mesmerized by something about Monty, pulling him in, his eyelids feeling heavy, their lips getting closer--

"Jasper!" a voice called and Jasper and Monty jolted away from each other, startled.

Harper ran to Jasper and attacked him in a jumping-embrace and he laughed as the rest of the group came over and greeted him.

(He greeted them all happily, excitedly, and later convinced himself they were all safe here because he wanted it so, so bad.)


	2. (did)

\+ 1.

4 weeks had passed since they'd gotten back from Mount Weather, 4 weeks since Jasper had last talked to Monty, and 4 weeks since Jasper had (almost) stopped having nightmares because it'd been a seemingly infinite amount of weeks since he'd last gotten any sleep. He spent his nights awake: thinking about blood, burning, skin bubbling, Monty, and death and, before he knew it, it'd be morning.

It'd been 4 weeks and finally, _finally_ Jasper was with Monty again, holding him tight, trying to regain control of his emotions.

"I'm so..." Jasper's voice wavered, "I'm so sorry, Monty," he breathed, "I'm such an ass."

"I know," Monty said weakly and when Jasper pulled away to look at him, he looked unwell--pale, tired, his eyes swollen, dark bags, red-rimmed--but he smiled anyway and Jasper regretted every decision he'd ever made in his whole entire life that lead up to making Monty look like that.

(For the past 4 weeks, Jasper was--in his own opinion--stupid and immature.

Ever since they returned from Mount Weather, Jasper went out of his way to avoid most people; he avoided going to the common area, skipped meals, avoided telling anyone that anything was wrong, and avoided having any proper conversations. A figurative wall had built itself around him and he couldn't get past it, riddled with a sense of mistrust, haunted by broken promises--letting his friends down, letting his friends _die_ \--consumed with loss, and disturbed by the fact that he'd hurt Monty more than anyone when Monty was the _last_ person he wanted to hurt.

"Hey," Miller had greeted him one day, "what's up? You look awful."

"Good morning to you too," Jasper grinned, deflecting the question, rubbing his eyes--swollen, dark bags, red-rimmed--as he exited his tent.

There was a short silence.

"We're worried about you," Miller finally said, "you should really talk to Monty."

"What? I'm fine," Jasper lied.

Another silence.

"He did it because he couldn't risk letting you die, you know," Miller said quietly.

Jasper didn't reply.

He knew he couldn't blame Monty for what had happened; he knew Bellamy was right when he said Mount Weather wouldn't have stopped killing them regardless if Cage was alive or not and he knew Monty saved them-- _all_ of them--and he knew the longer he didn't speak to Monty, the longer Monty would feel guilty.

He knew Monty would feel guilty because of _him_ but he still didn't do anything about it.

Monty deserved better.

At one point someone started leaving Jasper food and medicinal herbal tea outside his tent and he knew it had to be from Monty. It wasn't a surprise that the food would coincidentally show up when he'd skip meals and it wasn't a surprise that the tea calmed his stomach and put him to sleep since they were, obviously, from _Monty_ because Monty was literally the only person in the universe who would be so diligent in worrying about _him_  regardless of his less-than-favorable behavior.

It was always Monty-- _always_ \--because who else in their right mind could put up with Jasper's _shit_? And Jasper remembered how Monty was amazing and wonderful and loyal and, all at once, he felt overwhelmed, guilty, awful, _stupid_.

When Jasper passed out, finally getting some sleep with the help of the tea he found outside his tent, he dreamed about the countless amount of times Monty supported him, helped him, protected him, saved him, _loved_ him.

And when Jasper woke up he knew he had to make things right because Monty _deserved the world_ and, even though Jasper definitely was _not_ the world, he knew he should at least be half the friend Monty was.)

"I'm sorry," Jasper said again, presently.

Monty smiled weakly (reassuringly) in return. "You had every right to be upset," he said, his eyes downcast, "I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have... it was _my_ fault that--"

" _Don't_ ," Jasper cut him off, "don't, Monty. You're the one that _saved_ us. I'm..." Jasper trailed off and he cupped Monty's face in his hand, touching his cheek gently (a feeling Jasper had forgotten, a feeling he wished he'd never forgotten), latching onto any sort of connection he could make, "I'm just a coward."

Monty looked up at him (sadly, expectantly) and shook his head. " _I_ think you're brave."

"Yeah, because a guy who ignores his best friend for weeks is brave," Jasper muttered sarcastically, averting his gaze.

"Well, some guys are less perfect than others," Monty said playfully.

Jasper felt something in his chest tighten and he felt butterflies fluttering around peacefully in his stomach and he knew it was because _Monty_ (overly understanding, forgiving, too good). "True. Guess we can't all be Monty Green, right?" Jasper grinned but he felt his vision getting blurry, tears forming in his eyes because _Monty_.

"Yep," Monty replied and he wrapped his arms around Jasper, hugging him tightly, and, at that moment, Jasper broke down crying because Monty felt _small_ and Jasper _knew_ it was his fault: his fault for lashing out, his fault for refusing to understand, his fault for blaming Monty, his fault for making Monty sad, troubled, and  _unhealthy_.

"It's not your fault," Monty whispered, seemingly reading Jasper's mind, "it's ok."

(And in that exact moment, in the midst of his breakdown, Jasper realized his feelings for Monty were a lot more than he'd ever thought.)

Everything fell back into place later that night when Monty moved back into Jasper's tent (into Jasper's _life_ ) and when Jasper crawled into Monty's sleeping bag next to him, Monty laughed.

With a smile still lingering on his face, Monty fell asleep almost instantly and Jasper affectionately counted the number of birthmarks Monty had on his cheeks, distracted by Monty being next to him, feeling fond of the seemingly radiant peacefulness. He wanted to sleep but he couldn't, his mind whirring with relief because finally, _finally_ he was with Monty again and he never wanted this moment to end: side-by-side, Monty's legs tangled with his, Monty lightly holding onto his shirt, sleeping soundly, his steady breaths comforting, warm, and close. And Jasper regretted the past 4 weeks--the past _17 years_ \--because even though he knew Monty made him feel happy and comfortable, he never realized Monty had _this_ huge of an effect on him (apparently, Jasper was a mess without him) and it didn't help that the longer he thought about Monty the more his heart raced.

It wasn't that it was surprising or anything, really, because Jasper always felt _something_ with Monty but, even after all this time, he never figured out what it was. Best friends? Favorite person? Friend-crush? Crush-crush? All of that?

The tightness in his chest and the butterflies in his stomach distracted him and, before he even realized it, he had his arms around Monty, gently playing with the back of his hair.

"Jasper..?" a sleepy Monty groggily blinked himself awake.

"Hm?" Jasper acknowledged, freezing for a second, worried about waking Monty up more.

"Hi," Monty breathed, his eyes struggling to stay open.

"Hi," Jasper smiled, fighting back a laugh.

Monty shifted closer, resting his head against Jasper's neck (and Jasper suddenly forgot how to breathe). "Jasper..." he mumbled sleepily, "thank you. I missed you."

If Jasper had to describe how he was feeling he wouldn't be able to because it was almost like every emotion--every _feeling_ \--he'd ever felt before in his entire life exploded inside him. He held Monty close (warm, soft, comforting) and when he lifted Monty's chin to look at him, Monty's cheeks were pink, his eyes were sleepy, and his hair was a little ruffled, and _holy shit Monty was adorable_ , and suddenly (expectedly, _obviously_ ) Jasper felt a strange desire for closeness ooze out of him, taking on the form of deep breaths, a steadily-pounding heart, and a flushed face.

"I love you," Jasper whispered.

(Wait, _what_?)

Jasper's eyes widened, surprised by his sudden sentimentality, his sudden-- _what did he just say_?

Monty's eyes blinked open, 100% wide, 100% awake, and he stared at Jasper (confused? stunned? shocked?).

"I mean--" Jasper panicked, deciding he needed to save face or explain himself or _something_ , "I mean, I, uh, er-- uh, I mean, I'm _in love_ with you, Monty--"

( _Wait, what!?_ )

Jasper closed his eyes and swore because _what the hell was he saying_? "W-wait, I mean, I--" Jasper stuttered and when he reopened his eyes it felt like a spear had lodged itself into his chest again: Monty was staring at him, cutely, softened by sleep, blushing from his ears to his neck, and his lips slightly parted-- _his lips slightly parted_. Jasper held his breath and he felt a dry lump forming in his throat because he was mesmerized by Monty's lips _again_ , like a bunch of times before, and he couldn't look away despite the sensation of lightheadedness taking over him but, at the same time, he didn't care, he was sick of this, and he wanted _Monty_.

"I--" Jasper started again (and he swallowed at the lump in his throat, trying to build his courage), "I wanna kiss you."

Jasper's hand was still on Monty's chin and he slowly drew it up, brushing against the back of Monty's ear and he felt Monty's skin get warmer, his body temperature rising, his chest rising and falling, his breaths becoming more shallow.

Monty bit his lip. "Ok," he said quietly.

(Wait, had he heard that right?)

"O... ok?" Jasper asked hesitantly.

" _Ok_ ," Monty repeated and he averted his gaze and gripped tighter at Jasper's shirt.

Jasper bit the inside of his cheek (nervous, confused, excited?) and he gently pulled Monty's face closer to him, craning his neck down slightly, his heart beating loudly in his ears, Monty's eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks, Monty's hair brushing against his skin, the softness of Monty's lips--

"Ow!" Jasper sucked in his breath, jolting back slightly as his teeth clanked clumsily against Monty's (because of course, _of course_ he'd screw up his first kiss with Monty), "Shit, _shit_ , sorry, I--"

Monty covered his mouth, trying to control his laughter. "Oh my god, you're so embarrassing," he chuckled, "what was _that_?"

And when Monty laughed with his dimpled smile and sparkly eyes, and flushed cheeks, Jasper's body relaxed. "Shut up," he said as he laughed too, (weirdly?) relieved, and he took Monty's hand in his, guiding it down, away from his mouth, and he pressed his lips against Monty's lips, gently, softly, smoothly, finally _kissing_ him.

The newness of the sensation made Monty's breath hitch behind his throat and Jasper felt dizzy and electrified.

Jasper wrapped his arms around Monty lightly, slowly letting his hands find the small of Monty's back, pulling him closer until they were pressed firmly against each other. The heat of their bodies together sent a chill down Jasper's back and he exhaled deeply, getting lost in the fact that he was finally experiencing _Monty_ , the small, intimate aspects that were unknown to him before, and he felt like he was high or _something_ because kissing Monty felt different than anything he'd felt before and it was amazing, wonderful, _great_ , and he let his lips explore Monty's, slowly and steadily, enjoying how Monty moved against him, Monty's cheeks brushing against his.

When Monty's hands started exploring Jasper--grabbing at his shirt, pulling Jasper closer by his waist, his fingers playing with the fabric of Jasper's shirt, running his hands up along Jasper's arm, making their way to Jasper's chest, his neck, steadying their kisses by tugging along Jasper's jawline, until finally letting his hands rest by Jasper's ears, cupping his face, his fingers running through Jasper's hair--a sense of urgency rose inside Jasper and he found himself flicking his tongue against Monty's lips, licking them gently in between kisses. Monty let out a muffled moan and Jasper took that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue making its way between Monty's lips, inside Monty's mouth, and Monty sucked on his tongue softly and, for a second, Jasper thought maybe he was dying because his heart beat wildly, threatening to jump out of his chest, and he felt dazed and lightheaded and _desperate_ , overwhelmed by how good Monty felt, how Monty tasted, the small noises Monty made between kisses, the way Monty's body temperature rose each time he explored a different area of Monty's mouth, how Monty's tongue desperately made its way into his mouth the moment he let his hand ride up Monty's shirt, his fingers brushing against Monty's hip causing Monty to shiver at the skin-to-skin contact.

"Jasper," Monty breathed and his voice was heavy, hoarse, and breathy, and he tugged on Jasper's shirt.

Jasper hummed in response and shifted his body, rolling over to get on top of Monty, leaning on his elbows, his hips against Monty's, the newfound closeness setting off fireworks throughout Jasper's body, Monty's body heat encompassing him, and he kissed Monty again, gently stroking Monty's cheek as he ran his tongue along the inside of Monty's mouth, causing Monty to release a satisfied moan.

When Monty broke away to kiss Jasper's neck, sucking on it gently, Jasper's mind went blank.

" _Shit_ ," Jasper breathed, his body feeling as heavy as the thick air around them.

"Too weird?" Monty asked, placing one last kiss against Jasper's neck.

"What? God, _no_ ," Jasper cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure, "I mean, I'm the one _straddling you_ , Monty, if you haven't realized by now, I definitely, _definitely_ want this."

Monty laughed (cutely, sheepishly). "Good," he said quietly and his smile was affectionate enough to fuel approximately 974 Ark Stations (or more, if the affection Jasper felt in response was factored into it), "me too."

Jasper blinked and he felt his cheeks burning. "Really?" (Monty smacked him across the head) "Ow! What was that for?"

" _Obviously_ I want it, Jasper, I mean, I _am_ letting you straddle me, after all," Monty rolled his eyes playfully.

"Right," Jasper grinned cheekily, "I dunno, maybe you just got distracted by my _amazing charm_ , you didn't even know what was happening--"

Monty raised his eyebrows. "The same charm that knocked teeth with me?"

" _Hey_ \--"

Before Jasper could finish protesting, Monty pulled Jasper close to him, kissing him softly.

"Jasper?" Monty breathed softly as let his hands linger on Jasper's face, holding him close.

"Hm?" Jasper replied, somewhat hazy, still adjusting to the rush he felt whenever he kissed Monty.

"I love you too."

In that moment, when all the blood rushed to Jasper's head and his heart exploded with happiness and the butterflies in his stomach had a dance party (or something), he instantly regretted the past 17 years of his life because _how the hell_ did he not realize his feelings for Monty until now?

And when Jasper kissed Monty again for the (seemingly) 9,432nd time, he felt Monty smile against him happily and he knew, he _knew_ there was nothing clearer in the world: he was 100% in love with Monty.

(Later, when they were tangled in the sleeping bag with their limbs intertwined, Jasper told Monty he'd try to be the world that Monty deserved and Monty kissed him before pushing him as far away as possible.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omggg... I wanted to write a satisfying kiss but now I'm just embarrassed lol idk how to write it... ok goodnight... (thank you for reading!)


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